so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this will be a night to untag.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
