she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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