As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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