You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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