Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
