i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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