I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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