i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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