Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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