weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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