I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
