butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
