Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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