he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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