I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
