I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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