Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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