When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
