she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
