I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Shame - the story of my life.
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