I CAN MOONWALK!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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