So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
