Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
