I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
