Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
