from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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