Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
