i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
