Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
