Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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