it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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