Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
