I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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