beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
