i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
