this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I supernannyed him into submission
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
