Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
