Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
