Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
