Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
