thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
