May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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