is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
