I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
