wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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