If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
