Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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