im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
