Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
