just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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