Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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