Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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