i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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