Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
