Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
