your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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