literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
