Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
